Point and Shoot Journalling Course Starting 1st October
Today I am sharing about something I am doing to help bring some positive change to me. I do a lot of self therapy and art therapy. I am sharing some info about it too in case you'd like to join. It's a course using not just a camera but paint too.

LK Ludwig is a photographer and an artist who teaches how to use your photos and self portraits to journal artistically with. She's written some books like "Nature Journals" and "True Visions" which you can check out at Amazon.

This is some info about the course beginning 1st October. "This class, Point & Shoot Journaling is designed to prompt you to print your images and use them on your journal pages. By using digital photography, we have an unlimited and extremely inexpensive source of original imagery at our fingertips."

Here is a link to her blog where more info is available. http://www.gryphonsfeather.typepad.com

Where's The Woman In Me?

I am feeling discouraged and very uncreative lately.
Something is weighing heavily on me and today was very depressing.
I kept dropping things during breakfast, burned my meal, messed up the paint on the wall, found my beautiful hydrangea dead and brittle, and am feeling overall super-un-womanly.

You know what that's like, right? I just haven't taken good care of myself lately because I've been so preoccupied doing other things that I look at myself in the mirror and say, wow... I need to get my hair done, exfoliate, do my nails, pluck my brows, put on some makeup, shave, wow...

I just... don't feel like a woman at all. I'm disappointed in myself.


When did you first feel like a woman?
What defines "woman" for you?

Is there a difference between "woman" and "lady"?

Our voice against our own inner critics
my eye
I am really finding my voice these days.
what I mean by that is coming to a place finally where I feel it's ok to say NO.

It is mostly around little things at work. Knowing when I don't want to take on an extra project or client and not feeling like I'm a bad employee if I say NO.

Saying NO to friends when they want to go out and even though I haven't seen them in a while, knowing I don't have the energy or desire to go.

I've been ok saying no to family for a while now but work, most especially is a place where NO is hard for me.

I'm taking care of myself in other ways too. Spending money when I want to and instead of feeling guilty, reminding myself I am deserving of a treat. Taking the time to do things like accupuncture or massage- taking a day off, like yesterday, to do absolutely nothing but hang out and watch the bees or sit in the sun/shade reading magazines.

What are some ways you take care of yourself?

What are some things that are hard for you in terms of taking care of yourself.

My mom is a great lady but I really interpreted saying no (especially around work/authority) as taking a risk of losing face/job. As well being a "lady of leisure" was viewed as being disgustingly luxurious and laziness was frowned upon and seen as selfish. I've talked to my mom about it and I know it came out of her being raised during the depression. It's still hard to beat the imprint it left though.

Bringing a New Home to Life

I recently purchased a new home and we have been working on bringing it to life for the past two weeks. We've been painting and organizing, decorating (according to budget) and adding new furniture. I wanted to share the new plants we got today to add to our lovely home.

photos this way...Collapse )

Tell me your experiences with depression
Today,I started treatment for my depression. I have been out of work since February,and unable to find anything else. I have found myself becoming increasingly isolated from the outside world,especially when I am home by myself.Even going to the grocery store,or lunch with a girlfriend is often an awkward and anxious experience. I knew that I had to do something,so I am going to be seeing a therapist,and I started on Celexa today. I was previously on a drug called Imimpramene for severe depression after my mother passed away 15 years ago. I had a very unsatisfying experience with this medication,having absolutely no feelings or creativity when I was taking it.I have shunned the idea of anti-depression medication up until now. I feel like I was on the wrong dosage,and possibly could benefit from the correct treatment. My question to all of you is:What are your experiences with this type of medication,good or bad?

Comfort Doll Project
Hi I would like to share about this project. A lady named Pat Winter organises fellow women to sew comfort dolls and she sends them to women in shelters who have been battered. You can learn more here and here too.

Earlier this year I organised a comfort doll swap among fellow artists. I think every woman deserves a comfort doll. I hope one day we might do some artistic swap or collaboration that supports being a woman at lj. 

Full Moon House Clearing Ritual
Lunar Cycling
Vaysha wanted to know what I was doing, so I will share the ritual here as well ...

You can find the ritual HERECollapse )

I didn't have black beans so I used fermented soybeans [which are black and more resemble evil and death to me, even though they add life to food ...] . I started in the attic and proceeded in clockwise fashion from room to room ... corners, [blow lightly on the smudge stick or incense to push the smoke and intention into tight spaces] closets, under beds ... end at the front door and smudge the door, threshold and knob. I put the remaining smoldering smudge stick in the fireplace, lit incense on the 'alter' and am now resting as I am tiered and a little lightheaded/drained.

I'll eat soon to ground me better. ... and drink lots of liquids to restore yourself as well.

mothers day
my eye
I want to talk about mothers.
being one
having one
mother in laws
the good the bad and the ugly.

My mom is fierce and loving.
She's getting old now and that is scary to me.

My mother in law and I have had our ups and downs.
She has some serious issues but I've learned how to realize that some of her behaviors are from those issues, the painful places she is working on healing...that may never be healed and I have managed to create some healthy boundaries in which I am no longer a part of the stage in which she acts out her victim role. Now I feel sadness for her as some of her children and grandchildren are completely cut out of her life. I am grateful for her. She has a strong side that is like a solo artemis of the forest. I've been inspired by her artistry, her solitariness, her connection to nature. She birthed my best friend, my lifes greatest gift. He is the most beautiful person I've met.

I love being a mom. I love my kids and I worry over them like the italian mama I am. I am aware that it's to the point of unhealthiness. I tell the kids I know that. I laugh at myself. We laugh together and make jokes and light of it. I catch myself and apologize. I let them know I am human and imperfect and scared sometimes and that it's ok and please don't take it on. I hope that is enough to spare them from the negative effects but I am uncertain. I have to be ok with that because the awareness is all I have- I work on it but I am a human being, a work in progress. I learn so much from my kids. They and Dean are a constant gift in my life that I am humbled and grateful for.

I have a lot of beautiful friends that have and continue to mother me. Of course they are more than that they are friends too- there is nothing wrong with mothering. When we mother someone why is that like a dirty word or a bad co dependent thing. We need one another. Bring on the mothering. The world is a better place for it and mothers rock.

I think I need some affirmation....
....because I'm feeling a bit beaten down.

"Note to husband:
I know I'm not a perfect wife, or a perfect mother, or daughter, lover, house-keeper, chef, accountant, PTA mom, dog groomer, personal secretary, tutor, or any of a dozen more hats I wear throughout the course of a day. I am not great at anything. And I'm okay with that. I do not aspire to perfection.

I love you. I love my life. I love the life we've made together. I am content. I am happy. I accept you as you are, flaws and all. I said that in our marriage vows, and I live by that. I really expected you to do the same."

Does it ever seem that just when you think things are going GREAT, something/one does or says something that completely burst that bubble? Is that bubble just an illusion? How can one person's happiness so obscured another person's unhappiness? Why the hell can't we be happy at the same time?

I better stop now, because I'm starting to get pissed! ; )

Thanks for listening. =)


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